Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
