How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
