Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
