That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
