11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Randomize