When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
