We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
