Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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