so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
