Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize