i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
