I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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