just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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