Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
