i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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