So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
