Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
