Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
