This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
