quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize