We won't sleep together?
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Randomize
