something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
