i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Randomize
