According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
