Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
