Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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