My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
