I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize