I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
