1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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