I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
