I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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