8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
