i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize