from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
