Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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