How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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