Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
