I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
