why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You're a waste of cheezeits
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
