you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
