Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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