I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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