Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
