I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
