remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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