your thong is hanging out like whoa
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
