literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
