you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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