Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
