you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
