Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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