Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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