dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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