I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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