3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
