we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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