Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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