He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
