its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
