She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
