I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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