I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize