Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
