He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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