So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
