glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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