I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
