I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
