i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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