you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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