she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
