Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
then he tried to convert me to islam
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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