I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Randomize
