Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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