doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
