why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
