theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
