drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
