worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize