I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
