He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
