Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
