At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize