He asked me if I "almost moaned"
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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