You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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