12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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