She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
