I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
