a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
