party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
