He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
