why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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