i would punch a child for taco bell
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
