I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Randomize
