You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
