dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
