He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Randomize
